It’s been going.
The new job is good, will be great once I get settled and such. However, like most places of this size there are problems. Especially with getting access to all the different systems and tools.
It may be too soon, but it’s still rather raw that I’m here and feeling very alone. Packed up a lot of stuff, and found a room. Now, after a week I’m still not unpacked. Why you might ask?
Because I’m not, as someone asked me: comfortable. The place is ok, the people are ok. He’s a bit eccentric, and the room is ok. I’m just not comfortable.
Feeling alone, and broke, very broke. Some money from the girl has helped a lot, but it’s more the feeling of letting her down, of being inadequate in all this that is really hurting. Heck, I’ve been so out of sorts that the only way to sleep has been through tears.
Getting the webcam installed and talking to her has helped a lot, but it hasn’t completely erased the feelings. Especially as I know there’s things I need to be doing, things that mean I have to learn how to get around here. Yet that broke thing makes me feel like I can only go back and forth to work. It’s only the first week, haven’t had my first paycheck but still, feelings are not always rational.
I just hope to get over them and onto some better ones soon.
Why is it that sometimes things just don’t go right?
How is it that large enterprises that have existed for decades cannot seem to do the most basic, oft repeated tasks?
I speak of hiring new employees and ending their employment either via firing them or resignation.
I admit to a bit of surprise and disbelief when a few years ago I found out that the company had hired several people whose only job was to document and improve the new hire and on boarding process.
I was more Johan annoyed to find out years later that instead of following the improved plan that several higher ups in my department were mandating that they interview new candidates. Without an actual plan for it!
I’m today in shock that anyone actually went through all that to get hired but I know many of them that did at least local people. No one from out of state. In fact no one with any real experience, all of them new comers.
Comparing that to this past month is like night and day. Even with the snafu’s the companies that I’ve been dealing with have well established routines for interviewing, hiring, and even coming to hire out of state people that get business trips almost all paid for to complete the parts of the interview process that have to be in person.
Yes the snafu’s have been interesting:
- Mostly the need for the traveller to cover deposits, but with a major credit card..it’s covered.
- And of course sometimes things like gps units, car starters, debit cards (I trigger a fraud alert and the bank shut off my debit card till I called them).
It’s Sunday evening, after a weekend that has seen some really good times, and some not so good times.
Friday, I’m not sure it counts, but Friday night if I count it is totally in the not so good times. Was supposed to go see a movie with people. The movie started at 7 pm. I didn’t get out of work till almost 630. So, I cancelled on that. Seems the girl, who was either going to the movie, or go hang out with friends that were in town ended up cancelling everything on her plate as well. So, Friday night and what do two usually gun people do? Sit at home nursing killer headaches from the stress of the day.
Saturday, The AM was pretty good. Met with this new critique group in the area. The group itself is pretty big but the organizer broke it down into types, and from there into smaller groups. Right now I’m in the smaller of two novel length fiction groups. My partners are two great but older people. They are fun, and usually give great food for thought in reflection to the failings in my own writings. However, I also spent some time with the larger novel group. They are much younger, two actually read the genres I’m writing and we just ‘clicked.’ This group also recently lost someone due to the genres involved and some other issues I’m sure. The others seemed to feel I was right up there as well and asked if I would join them.
Saturday night we were going to have friends over, but decided instead to all meet at a restaurant.I was told the place, one Citizen Public House in Scottsdale. My immediate response “A British pub? Sure” Not so.. for one thing, there may be many British pubs in Scottsdale, but there are none that I know of in “old town” Scottsdale, and there still isn’t. So $100 later for two meals, two drinks for what was totally not anywhere close to British food. We had spent a few hours there talking, laughing, straining to hear over the music and loud conversations. Why must restaurants do that? Why turn on the music when it get’s full? Ugh, just made it harder to hear. The girl was nearly horse from trying to be heard. The food was good, but not British, more High scale but not starred American. Don’t be fooled the only thing gastropub about the place is the thing they call a selection of craft beers, and the starters.
Sunday, ahh How I hate Sundays. Sundays always leads to Mondays. Today is going to be no exception. So beyond that, got some things done that needed doing. Found some time to play some video games. Generally make sure I’m recharged for Monday.
But twice so far this year… Totally missed that resolution. Not to say I couldn’t come up with perhaps a million and two excuses, but that’s what it would be — excuses.
I have been writing, slowly sometimes not for a week at a time, but I have been writing. What’s hard though is that I think over the last 3 months at work, I’ve averaged above a thousand words a week that I’ve written and that is just for documentation, not counting code.
To switch from the technical writing at work, and sometimes taking that work home with me has truly been a hard hat to switch from at times.
Speaking of hats, one of the other guys at work counted. I apparently perform the work of 7 people in the average day. 7! When I asked him how he counted it was a break down of what I did. 1) Siem analyst 2) IDS analyst 3) Proxy admin 4) Firewall admin 5) Coder 6) DBA 7) Teacher. Man what a joke is life at times. Only I’m not laughing. I know that I’ve been drained more, feeling harder to snap to attention on things lately, and I keep feeling like it’s the fact that at work I cannot get any decent amount of time to concentrate and get any one thing done. I start on something, and inevitably someone, from some team, or a manager will ask for my attention. I’ve taken to going off-line on the office IM, I shut down email for hours at a time and still too many people seem to think that either a) they get the best answers from me or 2) if you want something done, give it to a busy man.
Flattering? yes. Annoying? yes.
So I applied for Grad school. Somehow along the way not only was my referrals delayed but my transcripts were lost. Apparently it’s not common to provide a way to check on things, but not call or send any type of notification when things go wrong. Got it all straightened out but it’s now 2 more days before I could expect my transcripts to be there as I had to order them sent again.
We will see. Especially as the work situation is getting harder and harder to bear. Not only has my promotion not come through and not one of my managers wants to pursue it with all the other fights they have on their hands, they still look to me as if I am at that level with all the time that would imply. Keep telling them that I cannot stay in the room with everyone else during some tasks if the task is to get done correctly. But even that, to arrange a cube someplace is outside what our management seems capable of.
So someone else at work has now left. I hope he finds the grass is truly greener but part of me doubts it. Rather I think he’ll find that he’s traded the unknown crap for the known pile of shit. But familiarity is comforting is close to the saying, NO? I sort of expect that if what I heard today is true for others to follow.
Myself? If I find the right offer and it sounds exciting, challenging and like I can continue to improve myself with less stress (no with less harmful stress) then I’m going to take it.
On the flip side, Phoenix Comicon was awesome! I totally need to write up that weekend. And seeing a valley premiere of Joss’s “Much Ado About Nothing” and now tonight having just seen Neil Gaiman!
scarce. Mostly because I’m not always sure what makes a post, or that I actually have anything to say.
No, that’s not correct. I almost always have something to say. Just that many times, I don’t think it’s worth saying for others.
Though, somethings have been going right. Very right.
Graduated this past spring. Finally got my Bachelor’s. Proving my Uncle right, and wrong. Right in that if such a thing is ever completed, it’s completed after a very very long time. And wrong, in that a decision many, many years ago isn’t really haunting me. I keep it in mind, and acknowledge that yes people often times know more than I. This time in particular very much so.
But I graduated. Now this week I’m spending the entire work week studying for my next certification. A great step towards my career. So, that’s something right.
Another things that’s right, it’s looking like I’ll be going to graduate school soon. Now THAT is something that looks good, not only for my career, my resume, but the idea of studying Information Assurance is really something that sounds fun and exciting.
Fighting with Ubuntu 12.04 and then BSD to have a stable and usable system.
With BSD, I could not seem to get the networking under control. Great help from the wiki and more blogs and people that I can remember, but nothing seemed to permanently fix the issues.
1) First and foremost, BSD. I could not keep my wireless card up and running. Stupidly odd atheros in this HP G60. Sometimes it seemed to be power management, other times the daemon just lost the adapter. Without the network stable,
2) Ubuntu 12.04.1 Really? I wasn’t watching it, I admit so I guess it’s my fault.
Yes, I’m claiming it’s my fault that everything that worked in 12.04, when it updated through the regular software update, not the system release updater stopped working in 12.04.1.
The network, not quite the same problem as in BSD. But close enough: terrible, terrible limits. Dropping signal all the time.
The screensaver. What the heck? I had the very nice, debian screen saver pack running. But no more. I re-installed. I purged and re-installed. Nada.
The biggest issue, coming back from anything that locked the screen. Seriously, what happened to the working prompt? What happened to it? 4 out of 5 times that the system would go to a blank screen, sleep or anything like that and I would never get a prompt to sign in. Changing dm’s, resetting unity to defaults, lightdm with a different window manager… Nothing worked.
So today, I spent the time reinstalling. Tried Mint with Mate. Almost stuck with it. But I admit the advancement of launching control in Unity: hot key based number calls is just too much my style and in Mate I would have had to add things to get there. So, there we go, back to Ubuntu with Unity. Specifically 12.04.1, didn’t want to try the new one.
Too many things that I’m coming to depend on having a working system. So while a ‘final beta’ may be tempting, it is still a beta. Things are supposed to go wrong, not something I want in my main system.
So after moving to Ubuntu 12.04 I have really tried to like the Unity interface, but it’s soo slow and gludgy if you will. Moving to gnome3 was better, but there has been this one big thing that has annoyed me and just prevented any forward momentum from building in the ‘like’ department. The fact that on dual setups the default option is to have the workspaces only switch on the default monitor.
But thanks to some searching I found this fix posted by Cedric Briner: in a terminal run
gsettings set org.gnome.shell.overrides workspaces-only-on-primary false
Post 1 is about data, and research. It’s labelled for Statistics/BioStatistics Students but I think it’s applicable for everyone. http://simplystatistics.org/post/25368234643/pro-tips-for-grad-students-in-statistics-biostatistics
Post 2 is about projects and networking, Very important ideas to keep in mind. http://simplystatistics.org/post/25507941642/pro-tips-for-grad-students-in-statistics-biostatistics
Post 3 is the one that caught my attention. It is about the important of writing, clearly, simply and early. http://simplystatistics.org/post/32327301604/pro-tips-for-graduate-students-part-3
I am so sucktastic.
A writer? Seriously? I’m barely writing, I’m barely getting crafty, or creative, or even dropping a sweat as every time I look at a blank page, a blank screen I just have to turn away.
I don’t have to, but I do. It just seems overwhelming.
But there is something there, something small that in the back of my mind keeps whispering, “Write this.. Write that.. What about this scene, this description…”
And then there is the one that says “Only 40k left! After 100,000 words. Finish it.”